Posted a Writing Exercise

     Well, I posted a piece to last week's writing prompt on Writer's Digest under the "Treasure Awaits" prompt. It's near the bottom under Patrick Michael. I will include it here for further comments, critiques and reviews. My biggest question, being that it was under 500 words, does this piece give enough detail about the setting without derailing the setup of the plot?


     If you have time please read the story and give some feedback. Some ideas to focus on could be as follows: Is there enough of the character's voice involved in the retelling of the letter delivery? Does word choice and/or tense gloss over the changes in setting to quickly or not rapidly enough? How do you think the story could be expanded and does this provided enough grounding for a character's integrity?

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Treasure Awaits

     You receive a letter in the mail from an out-of-town relative asking you to drop everything and meet him in Boston ASAP. He doesn’t say why, but signs off on the letter (just above his name) with the phrase: “Treasure awaits” (Klems, http://www.writersdigest.com).


     In my hands rests a letter in a sealed envelope handed to me by a woman dressed in a worn traveling coat. She said the letter came to her through Denver, where she began her travels. It was amazing that it made the journey; astronomical that it even found its way into my hands.

     The United States Postal Service disbanded not too long ago as digital communication sank personal letter delivery. Privatization of parcel delivery caused a firestorm of competition between major conglomerates and further torpedoed personal communication. The world imploded after crude oil wells were completely tapped. Governments cut off services and security as natural resources ran dry and money had no viable value. It was as if the world regressed a few hundred years and the rules of the Wild West were reinstated. Despite the breakdown of communication and the degradation of resources, humanity thrived.

     It was amazing how quickly people adapted. It was a rebirth of sorts, for me, for the world perhaps as we relearned what drew us all together. Communities grouped together to pool resources and provide basic services. Sure, things were not perfect and bad things still happened to good people, but for the most part neighbors looked out for friends and family. We all grasped for some part, some piece of the human connection that we took for granted to in the digital age.

     Slowly the world began to resemble what it did in the 20th century. Writing letters and long delivery times became commonplace as people began moving about in a fallen world. The letter rested in my palms from the efforts of several travelers who covered considerable miles and brought news of a world outside the ruin around.

     The letter was written on formerly white paper and hand delivered from person to person, traveling across the U.S. until it finally reached me in Portland, OR. The page was wrinkled and battered, but the blue ink stood out from the white backdrop of a bleached paper. The handwriting was rushed but legible and smudged in places. I unfolded the creases and set to reading the words with zeal.

     It was from my grandfather, Ringo, from my mother’s side and he was heading to Boston. He was always full of wanderlust and reckless abandon, but excitement surrounded his every step. He moved south to Georgia shortly before society turned sour. It was almost 10 years since the last time I heard from him.

     Beyond the pleasantries and well wishing he mentioned his urgent departure for the East coast. Under the layers of misleading phrases and rambling, he mentioned over and over the need for me to leave everything and meet him. Scratched in roughly in bold letter, just above his name perched two ominous words: Treasure Awaits!


Follow-up to the original post:

If you have time please read the story and give some feedback. Some ideas to focus on could be as follows:
Is there enough of the character’s voice involved in the retelling of the letter delivery?

Does word choice and/or tense gloss over the changes in setting to quickly or not rapidly enough?

How do you think the story could be expanded and does this provided enough grounding for a character’s integrity?

Klems, Brian A. “Treasure Awaits.” Writer’s Digest. 30 Aug. 2011. F+W Media, Inc. 31 Aug. 2011 <http://www.writersdigest.com/prompts/treasure-awaits>.